The funniest thing happened to me today.

It's been strange ever since you disappeared. I've just been left here hanging. So odd because you wore me every single day. Always used to say to her, with the blue housecoat, next-door, "Oh you can bury me in this pinnie." I never liked it when you said that, it made me feel all wrinkly all over.

So that day when you wrote the note, then actually took me off, and left me hanging, that really came like a bolt from the blue.

It was me he noticed first when he came home. He came over and stared at me. It was almost as if he'd never seen me before, as if I was the Turin shroud, or one of Shirley Bassey's spangly frocks. I think he'd worked out exactly what your note would say before he'd even spotted it.

Then today, after weeks of emptiness, with no company and nothing to do but watch him pottering; he came home, switched on the light, put me on, tied my bow, and made himself sausages for his tea.