the door

Ron Richardson

i'll be honest with you. summer sucks. i don't know why it is, but i get more depressed in the summer than any other time of year. all i ever want to do during the summer is sit inside with a fan on, maybe watch some tv, maybe not. my mood isn't as jovial and normal as it usually is and i don't know why.

i haven't even had any desire to take any photos or try something new. i've known for a long time i don't have the creative eye for photos like some of the other photographers i see on flickr or other sites, but that knowledge seems to come out in full force during the summer. i can't "see" any shots and end up taking random crappy snapshots such as this one and the previous one.

summer shouldn't be a time of these feelings. it should be filled with run times outside, at the beach, or even just sitting outside with some friends drinking a beer or smoking a cigar. but not with me for some reason....

i don't want to go to the beach because i'm embarrased at the way i look. i'm not a good looking guy, and i certainly have let my body go to shit.. no longer do i have the less than average body i had in high school.. it's much worse. my cholesterol is bad, i get winded running up the stairs. do i know what i need to do to fix it? sure i do. do i do it? of course not.

i'd love to be able to sit on a porch with some friends and drink a beer and have a cigar, but all my friends are married, have kids, and aren't available to do such things. and it's just lame to drink by yourself.

anyways, i apologize for rambling, but i needed to get it off my chest. one of these days (most likely in the fall) things will turn around and i'll not feel this way anymore. it would be nice...