pete rosos

You Suck: A Conversation

You Suck: A Conversation


P: “Hey sweetie. Lookin’ good as usual.”
Cig: “Yeah, I know. You’re lookin’ as spineless and gullible as you usually do.”
P: “Awe, come on now. You don’t need to be that way. I know I hav-”
Cig: “You know you haven’t what?”
P: “I know I haven’t been around as much lately, but ...”
Cig: “But, what? No, hold on. Lemme guess. You’ve been ‘busy.’ What’ll it be this time? Work? Family? Taxes? You had to go in for thyroid surgery? Look, I’m tired of hearing your excuses. I just want to know one thing. Are you committed to this relationship or not? ‘Cause no matter what you say, lately I’ve got the feeling like you’ve been avoidin’ me.”
P: “Ok, I understand you’re upset with me not being around and all, and because of that you’ve got every right to question my commitment to th-”
Cig: “Damn right I’ve got every right!”
P: “Look, I’ve got something I’ve been wanting to say to you for awhile now. Just hear me out, ok?”
Cig: “Alright, but I already kn-.”
P: “Do you remember when we first met?”
Cig: ”Oh no. He’s actually gonna go there.”

You Suck: A Conversation


P: “I’ll never forget it. I was only 16. Young. Impressionable. Stupid. I knew about you, but wasn’t really interested until that night.”
Cig: “Please don’t do this ...”
P: “It was dark and loud. The colors from the lights warped everyones’ faces as they wiggled and gyrated to the sounds coming from the stage. Everything felt right. When I first saw you with Charlie, I thought you were someone else. I tried to cut in and Charlie looked at me like I was crazy. He yelled something at me that I couldn’t quite make out over the music. I didn’t hear. I didn’t care. I insisted. Charlie shrugged his shoulders, passed you over, and bowed out. I gave you a kiss and knew immediately you were not who I thought you were. Still, you tasted good and felt right, and I wanted that feeling to keep going. So I held on the whole night through. The next morning I patted myself on the back for what I thought was only a one night stand. Boy was I dumb.”
Cig: “You still are ...”
P: “No matter what I did, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I’d count the minutes till the next time we’d be together. It didn’t take long before you and I were joined at hip. Over the years we did everything together, and you were always there for me, even through the hard times.”
Cig: “Please stop ...”

You Suck: A Conversation


P: “Still, I knew this couldn’t last forever.”
Cig: “Here it comes ...”
P: “I mean you still feel good. The nutty flavor on my lips. Your warm fingers dancing on my throat. The release and the fuzzy relaxation that comes with it. But for awhile now I’ve noticed some problems. First it was little things. Remember when we started to get on some peoples’ nerves.?”
Cig: “Yeah, bu-”
P: “They’d say things like how obnoxious we were, or that we spent way too much time together. I stuck up for you though. So what if we were a little bit boisterous? So what if we enjoyed each others’ company? I mean, who were others to judge us like that, as if they were so perfect? Still, after awhile we both felt a little shunned. We had to make some compromises, and we did. But, we still found time for each other.”
Cig: “Um-”
P: “But lately things have gotten worse.”

You Suck: A Conversation


P: “It’s not just what people are saying anymore. It’s what they’re doing, or better yet, what they’re not doing. Unless it’s important, people don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. At work, I bite my fingernails into little nubs violently anticipating the end of the day. I look like I just stepped out of a rainstorm after going for a simple bike ride. And, airplanes?! Don’t even get me started on that! I’m afraid one of these days I’ll end up on the national Do-Not-Fly list for the suspicious way I barrel, white-knuckled, through crowded airports after anything longer than a two hour flight! And why do I behave like this? Age, mental health, bad genes? No! It’s you! You’re the reason why I find myself the victim of some kind of breathless, knee-jerking palsy at least once a day! Last, but not least, you’re too damn expensive! With the money I spent on you last year, I could have taken an all-expenses-paid week-long trip to Spain!!! Look, you said you’re tired of hearing my excuses. Well, join the club, ‘cause I’m tired of hearing my own excuses for wanting to be with you. I can’t have it anymore. You’re killing me. This relationship is over.”
Cig: “Are you finished?”
P: “No, we’re finished.”

You Suck: A Conversation


Cig: “Oooooo, stop that. You sound so tough. You know what? I knew one day it was gonna to come down to this. Hell, I knew it the first time I touched your lips. You’re just as weak-kneed and selfish as the rest of ‘em with your ‘hey sweetie‘ and your ‘just hear me out.’ You really thought I was upset not havin’ you around so much lately? Newsflash honey. It’s not gonna be as easy as you think.”
P: “If I can stay away for awhile, I can stay away forever.”
Cig: “Well, go on then! Who’s stoppin’ ya? You’ve made your choice, or at least you thought you have. Just remember baby. I’m always around, and, unlike everyone else, I’ll always be there when you need me most. I’ll soothe your anger and slake your thirst. Sure I cost a little, but I’m worth it. I’ll be your piece-o-mind when you ain’t got one left. So, go on little boy. Do what you think you need to do. Just lemme have one more little goodbye kiss, for old times sake ...”
P: “....”

You Suck: A Conversation


P: “I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you ....”
Cig: “That’s right baby. Keep on suckin’. You know, you think you’re talkin’ to me, but I know who you’re really sayin’ that to. They say hate isn’t the opposite of love. Indifference is. And, after all your gum flappin’ about fingernails, airplanes, and the people that ostracize you for bein’ with me, you still can’t let me go. Sounds like indifference to me. If you really gave a crap about all that other stuff, I wouldn’t see you around at all. Truth be told, it wouldn’t make a lick of difference to me if I never saw you again. But, here you are, right where I knew you would be.
P: “I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you ...”