Mugshot
These are the facts: Giraffes are the world’s tallest land animals. Each of a giraffe’s sprawling legs exceeds the height of the average Swedish man, and its neck stretches up towards heaven as far as its gangly gams reach down to the dusty earth (yet we and he share the same number of vertebrae: seven). Like cows, giraffes are four-stomached ruminants, meditating carefully on each mouthful more than once. A giraffe’s huge heart weighs almost twice as much again as a pair of gasping babies at the moment of their birth—entering the world, giraffe babies drop headfirst to the ground, inhaling great lungfuls of air into their ballooning lungs in response to the sudden impact.
These are the fancies: Giraffes are natural prophets. “Lo, I see a storm coming from the west! Take shelter, tiny things!” When it comes, a downpour tastes different to a giraffe, the rain hitting its leathery tongue so high up in the air that the sweet drops are somehow fresher. Always watch your pearls around a giraffe—they may seem shy, but they do have a lot of long neck to show off. And if you’re planning a safari heist yourself, a giraffe wouldn’t make for a bad getaway ride (34 miles per hour on a good day goes a long way towards losing the long arm of the law ).
Just make sure you have somewhere to lie low for a while. It’s hard to hide a giraffe.
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