neonlike
don’t trust leaders
Breaking news—it is being reported that last Sunday, at approximately twenty minutes after nine o’clock in the morning, the entire population of the city looked out the window, yawned, and decided to stay home. Leading scientists speculate the behavior may have been caused by a localized weather condition. Dr. Lewis Nagy of the Institute for Advanced Weather Studies said the meteorological event could last several days, and possibly even weeks. He described the condition as “dreary beyond bearing.”
In other news, on Monday all of the city’s parking enforcement agents refused to report for work. Union spokesperson Rosario Ortega, reached at home by telephone, would not characterize the incident as a ‘strike.’ “It’s cold,” Ortega said. “Have you been out there? It’s really cold. And dreary.” Ortega declined to comment further, saying she needed to consult with her pillow.
This just in—we are receiving multiple reports that several local residents have actually left their homes, only to shake their heads and return inside. We cannot at this time confirm those reports, but our reporters continue to investigate from the coffee room. Stay tuned for further developments.
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