dasar

salad

It is a little known historical fact that a small but not insignificant minority (between 7 and 29 in total, depending on which scholar you consult) of the world’s most ancient and primitive religions were founded upon an earnest and resolute belief in the divinity of salad.

Salad, it was understood, held both power and knowledge. See how these curly leaves of frisee, for instance, resemble not only a primeval jungle canopy, but also the lithe limbs of an animal of prey; see how their edges are sharp, like teeth or claws? See, for another instance, how they wreathe about each other like the winding, grasping dendrites of a brain (why else, it was argued, do we call lettuces called heads?).

The annals of time do not let on what, exactly, caused the followers of these early salad-cults to first diminish in number, then disappear completely. Some speculate that the myth of salad could not compete with the charismatic beliefs of the emerging wave of soup-worshipers; others, however, hold that what ultimately doomed these devotees was their staunch refusal to even consider consuming what was, naturally, their own sacred cow.

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