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Oh, hello!
The fact that the coffee cup was talking to him wasn’t the worst part of the whole thing, Matthew decided. The worst part of the whole thing was that it was wearing, against all logic and laws of nature, a pair of red plastic glasses that were much too big for it; they hung so far over its face that they made it look much more gaunt than it was, and it was only because its nose was so very high and pointed that they weren’t falling off its face entirely. If it had had any eyes to speak of—which, of course, it did not—the vast expanse of the glasses’ shiny surface would have hidden them from view, no matter how large they had been. As a result the coffee cup really seemed like a shady character, and Matthew found himself feeling, instinctively, for his wallet as he paused to weigh all the possible responses he could make to that unexpected “Hello!”
But even those things were not so bad, Matthew realized. In fact—Good god damn—the worst worst part of this whole ridiculous situation was that, he could now quite clearly see, the creamer jug’s toupee was slipping off and someone was going to have to say something.
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