I’m gonna haunt you.

I decided just now, when I was trying to read my magazine and you… what was it the first thing? Keys, yeah keys. You were all “Where’s my keys, someone’s moved my keys.”And they were right there on the table, where you’d left them.

Then it was your baseball cap “I can’t find my cap. Who moved my cap? Where’s my cap gone?”. And you know what .Cap was where it always is, by the front door, just exactly where you left it.

It’s all the time. The very moment I sit down to rest my legs. You’re like a little child who can’t find his favorite bit of lego. So I am going to haunt you.

I’ll come back from the grave, and you know what I’m going to do. I’ll hide your keys in the garbage can. No don’t you start laughing at me, I’m serious. I’ll take your cap and I’ll put it in the salad box in the fridge. Hell you’ll never find it there. You won’t be laughing when you’ve got no pants because I’ve hidden them all in the oven. The best part is, you’ll tell Sally and David about this conversation, you’ll say “This is your mother, doing all this madness to me. It’s because I never let her have a moment’s peace to just sit, and rest, and read her magazine.” They’ll look at you and think “Poor old Daddy, he’s completely barking mad, how did mother ever cope with him?”.

Oh and you know that beer you were looking for earlier. I drank it already.