it's fine to cry - it makes you feel better
Malcolm Matthews
Day 221 - Thursday
As you know, I’ve been feeling exhausted and low and had to stop and slow down - and sleep.
I don't think I'm clincially depressed because some of the time is ok. I can laugh and enjoy myself. But about half the time I'm sad and I cry most days.
For example - perhaps an extreme example - the other evening I loaded a music folder in to my iTunes library. There was a track entitled track2 that i didn't know what it was. I played it. It was Ben playing his guitar and singing. Then part way through an electric guitar comes in and plays the most beautiful intricate moving solo. Floods of tears.
It was the last piece of music that Martin recorded just about a week before he died and perhaps the last guitar piece he played. The track was never finished because Martin was unhappy with the sound balance and couldn't quite concentrate enough at that point to get it right. However the guitar is amazing. The whole track is amazing, it's just the balance that's wrong.
I don't think I'd listened to this since Martin died. I didn't know there was a copy that could be played outside of Logic Pro - the software it was recorded on. (One of the reasons I'd been going to lectures at the Apple Store was to learn enough to be able to complete this recording. I don't think I'll succeed. But Ben is likely to get one of his friends who uses Logic to complete it.)
I’ve been working from home for part of today - did a radio interview for Deafblind Awareness Week.
I took this photo while visiting the website www.marcwoods.com/about. Someone had sent me the link in an email. Marc had bone cancer age 17. He lived and has gone on to have a successful sporting and public speaking career. Marc had 6 months of chemo. Martin had a year of chemo. Marc lived and Martin died. I’m pleased Marc lived. But Martin should have done too.
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