Personal Essays

I'm in the background, now



At some point I started realizing where my emotions were coming from. I had been looking forward to being an empty nester, getting some time to do the things I want to do, like spending more time on my photography and taking some art classes at the local art museum. But in the midst of the anticipation of getting some of "me" back, I realized that I was losing another part of myself. The "me" that was a mom. Oh yes, once a mom, always a mom. But not always a mom that the kids need on a daily basis. And all I ever wanted to be in this life was a mom. It's my true purpose. It's where I find my deepest joy. And so I realized I was grieving - am grieving - saying goodbye to this part of me. I have actually begun to cry as I write this. I know It's not the end of the world! I have a blessed life and thank God every day for it. But my emotions are a tad fragile these days.

And at some point I began thinking of this cruise as a passage. A passage from the me that I am now to the me that I am going to be without kids attached. A passage for my kids from their childhood to adulthood and independence. And a passage for my husband and I from parents back to a couple again. And I started to feel better. I felt like this cruise, this passage, was a gift to help me with this transition.
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