blessed are those that don’t need everything immediately
winnie's human (all work and no play)
Here’s some stuff for your holiday toolbox.
Sleep; if you live in the Northern hemisphere the chances are you’ve noticed that it’s really dark at this time of year. Let your body take advantage of this with some extra rest. Hibernate; bears do it, bees do it… no hang on, that’s wrong.
Set fire to things; obviously things like candles, not cars or houses. Firelight is so cheering when it gets dark and cold. All those festivals Guy Fawkes Night, Diwali, Hanukah, Christingle, there always has to be a little fire. We all look prettier by candlelight. Keep the extinguisher handy, and be sure you are fully awake.
Exercise, avoid the gym, you are a fundamentally decent person, gyms are unpleasant. Why would you want to be exposed to crap tee-vee and weak as an aged bladder showers? Shovel snow instead. Go crazy with it. Do your stretch of sidewalk, then do the elderly woman’s, the young couple who just had a baby, even do the sidewalk of the people who never talk to you, drive a swanky car, and have gone to Mexico for the holidays. Stop yourself before you do the house of the mature guy who almost never seems to open his drapes, dresses like a 1970’s teacher and won’t make eye contact; you have watched enough episodes of “Breaking Bad” to know that he probably has a meth lab in there.
If you don’t have snow, I’m sorry, so very sorry, but you should still avoid the gym.
Nutrition, don’t feel guilty about eating the last sumptuous hors d’œuvre, the stack of nachos, or the chocolate covered marzipan. Guilt solves nothing, Santa wants you to have it. Also you have just shovelled snow for four households.
Finally relax, as it says on the box “blessed are those that don’t need everything immediately”. Whatever it is can wait till January 2nd.
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