Gretzky maybe? Or Rooney? Probably not — neither hockey nor soccer are that popular in Texas. More likely John Wayne, though that wasn’t the name he was born with. Possibly Bruce, the orphaned son of American industrialists whose PTSD manifested itself in a peculiar desire to dress like a bat and beat the living crap out of suspected criminals. Speaking of criminals, it probably isn’t Lil Wayne, whose name isn’t really Wayne either, but who did a stretch in Riker’s Island — probably his only connection to the Batman. It would be nice if it was Wayne Campbell of Wayne’s World, but that seems improbable.

It’s probably just some kid named Wayne. Probably. Which would be okay. I hope he appreciates getting his name in Utata.

It’s almost certainly NOT Don Wayne, the designer illusionist who conjured up some of the most spectacular magic tricks for many of the worlds best magicians. That would have been appropriate, though. There’s always a bit of magic involved in instant film.

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