The U.S. military no longer does this, but there was time — not that long ago — when new recruits were required to learn The Rifleman’s Creed. It was a summary of the principles an infantryman needed to survive in combat, focused on the relationship between soldiers and their weaponry. It is somewhat disturbing. Unless you replace ‘rifle’ with ‘banana’.

“This is my banana. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My banana is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my banana is useless. Without my banana, I am useless.”

The world would be a better place if we could replace rifles with bananas.

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