You Suck: A Conversation

pete rosos

P: “It’s not just what people are saying anymore. It’s what they’re doing, or better yet, what they’re not doing. Unless it’s important, people don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. At work, I bite my fingernails into little nubs violently anticipating the end of the day. I look like I just stepped out of a rainstorm after going for a simple bike ride. And, airplanes?! Don’t even get me started on that! I’m afraid one of these days I’ll end up on the national Do-Not-Fly list for the suspicious way I barrel, white-knuckled, through crowded airports after anything longer than a two hour flight! And why do I behave like this? Age, mental health, bad genes? No! It’s you! You’re the reason why I find myself the victim of some kind of breathless, knee-jerking palsy at least once a day! Last, but not least, you’re too damn expensive! With the money I spent on you last year, I could have taken an all-expenses-paid week-long trip to Spain!!! Look, you said you’re tired of hearing my excuses. Well, join the club, ‘cause I’m tired of hearing my own excuses for wanting to be with you. I can’t have it anymore. You’re killing me. This relationship is over.”
Cig: “Are you finished?”
P: “No, we’re finished.”

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