I seen you..

Phoenix Coverley

I received this letter from a girl when I was in the 7th grade. I didn’t really know who she was except that she was bigger than me with way more street smarts. I got the letter on a Friday and I sat in my room all weekend scared, crying and worrying about what I was going to do. Luckily, this strange behavior eventually caused my mom to wonder why I was holed up in my room all weekend instead of out playing. Even though I told her not to, my mom came in my room and caught me writing my last will and testament.

I’m not sure what my mom did or if she did anything besides reassure me that the girl was not going to kill me and inform me that yes, I would still have to go to school. I didn't really believe my mom, but the girl never showed up on Monday and I’m still alive to tell about it. What matters most is that I really believed what the girl wrote, and I was preparing to die.

You’d have to be living under a rock not to have heard recent reports of kids who have committed suicide in response to incessant, targeted bullying. I have to admit that sometimes, when I hear about these terrible incidents, I am split between remembering what it felt like to be really scared and alone, to wonder what would happen if my mom hadn’t intervened or if I didn’t have a mom who paid a lot of attention and never noticed a change in behavior….and thinking that publicizing these types of deaths in some way adds an element of sensationalizing that might be appealing to a kid that never got any attention, who felt lost and kicked aside. I worry that this sends a message to kids that in death they may somehow finally be recognized, appreciated and loved?

I really hope not. I know that the parents of these children feel that by publicizing their child’s untimely demise, they are outing the problem, in the hopes that it won’t happen to another child, that no other parent will have to experience the loss of a child due to what unfortunately has become a backward social institution that is somehow ingrained in our society.

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